A Moment of Clarity, If It Can be So Rightly Called

Every so often I have this clarity that I’m a variant from the usual. Not to say I’m particularly special or talented but different. I wouldn’t say I’m different for the better though. In this world there exists multiple multiple varying groups of people. By in large there’s hate between some and respect between others. There are, though, groups that are universally detested by the others. Lets say that I in my moments of clarity realized I belonged to one of these latter groups.

It starts out with a sickening feeling of exile and hiding . You are the monster under the bed but they don’t comprehend it. They give you their utmost regard, their respect, but and beware the but… if they were to find out what you are, what then? You can assume that the man you where no longer matters. By and large its been painted over. Not that I now what would happen. Actually the only time I revealed it I was met with understanding. Though, I assume that is the rarity rather than the expectation.

In part I think this tearing down of my reputation is quite well deserved. I see how people see me as a ‘good man’ but seeing myself I can only disagree. In fact I’d rather reject the mantle of ‘good man’ and hold the title of ‘seemingly hardworking but morally wacked’ at least that title reflects my position in life.

I acknowledge my faults. Some people would call these moments of clarity a sign of my ‘orientation’ but to me they’re the sign of my ‘wrongness’. In another light I might be able to call them my ‘leanings’ but as I stand now they are my wrongs and worse they are wrongs I’m starting to get used to.

In fact you could say the path of getting used to my wrongs is what lead me to write this article. My ‘wrongness’ has for the worst of me( By and large) created and expanded my views and driven me to learn more about storytelling. I don’t doubt this has been for my worse but it has created and expanded avenues of my writing interests or perhaps, though I hope not, been a provider of well written stories when I was reading no others. But I am what I am now because of my ‘wrongness’ and all the other aspects of my life.

Call me silly if you most but despite my felling of ‘wrongness’ coming and fading I will still say that it is wrong and it is not a path I want to go down with heartless abandon. The thought has passed me by on multiple occasion that I could be a leader in the forefront of this wrongness. That the skills I’ve picked up in writing could push me to the preeminence of these groups. It was always a fleeting thought but in time I saw pieces falling together that could signal this being a viable option. Despite these pieces falling into place I do not want this path to be my fate. Even if I don’t yell it at the top of my lungs I believe that this path of ‘wrongness’ will leave me broken. I would move further to say that in Christ alone can I find happiness that heals my soul.

AHHH man feels good to get that off my shoulders. Bit different of post then usual but this is a topic that’s been in my head for a while now and I really wanted it off my shoulders. If you have any option on the topic be sure to leave a comment, peace out, God Bless, Ransom.